The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
