on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My liver just had a heart attack.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's blow job season.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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