Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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