Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
