For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
