I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
