I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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