Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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