Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
