Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
