Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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