somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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