Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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