i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
