paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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