i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
