so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
