is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
