Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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