I want to have your abortion
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
