I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
