when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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