So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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