Redeem this text for a blowjob
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
