last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
