wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
