i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
