The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
