okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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