Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
