Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
