how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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