It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
