People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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