When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize