so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
