I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
