After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
