she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
