ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
