so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
