does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
