You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
