would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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