I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
