It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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