Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize