what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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