I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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