you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize