true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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