My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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