He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
