i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
