Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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