i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
