so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
