As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
