I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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