one might say we're banned from that church
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
