i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
