we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
