Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize