It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
