This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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