My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize