He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
