hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
