I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
