I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
