I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
smell my finger.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
