how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
