bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it glows. i had to have it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
