some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
